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Life story
December 21, 2007
 

Passed away on December 21, 2007.

 

"The night before last Mango did not sleep at all.  She was extremely disoriented and restless.  She would not lie on the bed and kept sitting by the door panting....not falling asleep...not even the tramadol working to put her at ease.  About 4.00am I decided to move her to the computer room (which is much smaller) so that we could be on the floor together and I could hold her...possibly get her some rest.  This deemed suitable as she semi laid down and stayed there...still awake...still uneasy.  The sun came up and she was a bit better.  The only way I can describe Mango that night (and somewhat the night before) was she reminded me of my mother when she was dying from cancer.  My mom had bouts of the disorientation, restlessness at night etc.  There is a name for this but I can't think of it at the moment.

 

Yesterday morning as I said, Mango was a bit better.  However, the look of fear was gravely in her eyes.  A decision needed to be made.  I was on the floor with her and started crying again.  I took her paws and looked directly into her eyes and said, "Mango help me please! I don't know what to do! I can't make this decision!"  I begged, cried, and hugged her uncontrollably.  Mango seemed more at ease in my arms in a huggy hold the rest of the day or sitting outside in the yard.  She ALWAYS loved the wind blowing on her face.  Even yesterday sitting outside in the bark nuggets next to the plants she seemed peaceful and loved being there.

 

I made the decision around 3.00p.m. to go ahead and have Mango enter into her next journey the following morning as her condition was heart wrenching.  I loved on her, held her, and told her how much she meant to us as we had always done.  Around 6.30p.m. Mango was sitting in her chair.  She started to have the head tremors (as was happening off and on from the deyhydration).  I went to support her head and she reached in and sniffed my neck.  Something she had not done in days.  I remember saying, "Oh sweetheart, I love you!"  Her head then went backwards and she started to shake violently...eyes rolling into the back of her head.  She was taking her last breaths.  I know this as I had watched my own mother take her last breaths.  I clutched her in my arms and just kept screaming, "Mango Mango! Noo baby....oh baby baby please....if you must go then you have my permission!!"  I was full on screaming. Her front legs stuck straight outwards and her body stiffened up in my arms...her tongue went blue and her heart stopped beating.  All I remember is screaming, crying, and the tears burning my face as I clutched her close to me. A few minutes had gone by and Cheekie jumped up onto the sofa and barked in Mango's ear.  Another minute went by and we called the vet tech to come help us remove Mango.  I couldn't let her go but knew she needed too.

 

After Iwe hung up with the vet tech I noticed Mango having some sort of reflexes.  I've been told this can happen.  I assumed this is what was happening with my baby.  But then, a breath went....stopped....30 seconds....went....stopped.  We got in the car and took her to the ER just to have them give her an injection to stop the body movements.  He was holding her in the car...I am saying prayers and so is he.  We are both asking God to accept her and pass peacefully.  I am telling her how much I love her and thanking her for coming into my life.  As I am turning into the Animal ER Steve says, "Danelle...Mango came back to life!" I looked over and her head...which was once stiff and cocked up from the spasm, as well as her legs that were sticking straight out and stiff were now moving...softened....I could hear her panting.  We rushed her inside where I was hysterical.  I told them she had died...she had! She had not been breathing for many minutes and her heart had stopped.  NO cpr was performed! They took her in an examined my precious baby.  We called our regular vet for consultation.  He had said to not wait til tomorrow and do this for Mango to let her leave now.  She obviously came back for a reason.  He was right and I knew I couldn't be selfish.

 

For the next 30 minutes I held Mango in my arms, kissing her and telling her how many lives she touched, how much she meant to me, and how the entire world loved her.  I told her Porkie was there waiting for her and to go be with her and the others.  I asked her to watch over me and when I am sad help me get through it.  We then put her on the table and allowed them to give her the tranquilizer.  Mango was wrapped in a pink, soft blanket Dutchie had sent her.  She loved that blanket.  I wrapped her tightly in it...kissed her some more...told her she has our full permission to leave and be at peace.  I know we will see each other again.  The tears were stinging and I wanted to hold onto that moment for much longer...but I knew she needed to go.  She was gone with in a minute or two.  I paid for a private cremation so that she can remain wrapped in the pink blanket and return to us. I also paid for her pawprint to be done.

 

Later on we tried to make sense of what happened at the house.  My friend Kathy told me that Mango gave me a very special gift.  I asked her that morning to help me make a decision.  Mango in the house made the decision for me but came back to allow me the time to say good bye properly.  She showed me she needed to go without letting me worry about if it was right or wrong.  It was the most amazing experience ever. 

 

I cried hard last night.  I cried hard this morning.  In just 8 months Mango changed my life completely and in just a matter of minutes the routine she gave me was taken away.  Some people live for themselves and just have pets...I live for my pets and just have myself.  I would have done anything for Mango as well as my other babies.  She touched me in so many ways as she did all of her friends here.  Mango taught me patience, she taught me that being an anal freak wasn't important anymore, she taught me how important a plant is outside, what a car ride truly means, that dog schedules are meant to be kept.  She taught me no matter how badly she is hurt in life, she will still give love to whomever wants it.  Im laughing thinking how she used to scratch her back against the walls...so I would go to her and scratch it so she didn't have too.  She always got upset when I left her sight.  Biscuit's dad will tell you this.  She let me know I was just as important to her as she was to me.

 

I loved that little dog so much! She helped me get through so much! I can't believe I will never get to hold her again, feel her fur, smell her, bathe her, kiss her on her lips and whisper in her ear, "I love you girl". She made so many friends for me on myspace and beyond.  The entire world was routing for her! I would give anything to go back in time and just give her another cuddle.  I have to end this as the tears are pouring and my heart is aching for something I will never ever have again.  I know the next few weeks and months are going to be rough but thanks to Mango I have all of you to help me.....I know this....I know she touched everyone's lives and made us all feel something special.

 

Thank you all for loving this little rescue Frenchie so much and giving her the best possible life she could ever have.

 

Love and Tears,

Danelle

2008
 

This is something I had written on her myspace blog back in June.

 

People can tell you all of the time how much you are loved, cared for, and needed.  Unless you feel it and see it sometimes those words seem meaningless.  Not that they are, but that is our trained mind into believing that is the case.

 

This morning I realized something.  I had Mango out in the backyard doing her morning thing.  I realized she wasn't taking as long outside as she once did to do her "stuff".  Out zoooom..squat....run..run...squat again.....back to the lanai.  Wow! Looking back on it from 2 weeks ago she was still taking forever to do her thing outside.  Clearly her infection from the tumor is FINALLY going away.  Previously she had been going outside more frequently, longer, and straining.  Now its as if she is a brand new dog! When Mango first arrived she had little strength, not a lot of muscle, and was kind of well...saggy like a rag doll.  In the last month she has bounced back to probably what she was like BEFORE she was put into horrific conditions.  We are amazed that she can even jump up onto the bed now!  She far surpasses Cheekie in running, hopping, climbing, and even weight. 

 

Mango is more vocal now.  She barks and coos at things, takes interest in the cars driving past, runs after the geckos outside.  We were amazed that she didn't know how to pick out an ice cube out of the water bowl with her mouth, BUT she fooled us and took her paw to tip the bowl over.  If that wasn't clever, I don't know what was!  She shakes her little nubby tail almost to the tune of ding ding ding da ding ding ding! So fast, so furious! She even takes care of Cheekie by licking her face, her ears, sleeping with her. 

 

By having Mango here I have been able to open up again to another animal.  My life revolves around her.  She wakes me up in the morning by rolling around on her back making this weird almost Popeye like "guuh guuh guuh" sound while she is holding the Dog Perignon bottle between her two front paws as if she is drinking it! With Mango being here I am able to put the rush rush part of my life aside and only worry about her.  I can squeeze and love her...play with she and Cheekie together.  I am not worried about opening up my heart and emotions to her.  I am not in a daze or sadness like I once was. 

 

Without telling Mango (even though I do) she can see and feel how much she is loved.  She has grown with our love and caring back into the beautiful Frenchie I assume she once was.  Without Mango telling me, she has helped me to overcome my fears of giving love to another animal, she has helped me to move on with my life after Porkie's death.  She has shown me that it is okay to mourn my loss but in helping other animals in need it is paying tribute to my beloved bully who is here no more.

 

I was angry and hurt at Mango's diagnosis.  But in the last few weeks I find it a blessing.  A blessing that Mango chose me to spend the rest of her life with until she takes her last breath.  I find it a blessing that somehow god or that higher being gave me a chance to work through my guilt & sadness of losing Porkie so suddenly.  I find it a blessing that not only do I love Mango so very much, but there are so many others out there who love her.  So many others who are rooting for her.  So many others who are there for us during the good times and sad times for the rest of her life.

 

With this I realize how much we are loved.  Before February 2007, Mango was a dog that no one seemed to care about...through no fault but two humans.  Now she is loved by the world.  I cry when people donate, send emails, even the gifts because months ago Mango was not cared about.  But because of this, WE ALL are shown how much love we have for each other. 

That is todays learned blessing.  That is today's realization about the love and caring and what it can do.

 

Love & Frenchie Kisses-

Danelle & Mango